Monday,
14 January 2019
War Is
Not A Solution
RAHUL
SIDDHARTHA KISS is promoting peace through effective policy-making. The
US-based 18-year-old interacted with THE SPEAKING TREE in Delhi recently
How can
diversity be promoted as something positive?
Diversity
is present in a lot of countries; it’s just that policy, issues, tensions and
mistrust lead to a lot of ugliness. But it’s not the same in all places. Some
societies are managing diversity better. For instance, in the US, relations
between whites and blacks are much better today than they were in 1960s.At one
point, there was a lot of tension between Serbians and Croatians. Today their
relations have improved, but in some places, things have gotten far worse.
There are radical ideologies sprouting up that weren’t there earlier. For
instance, Kabul of the 1960s was much better than Kabul today. We also have to
look at economic persecution of groups and at how economic policies can be made
to integrate local populations. It’s all about knowledge, research and
learning, so that we can provide policies that can have impact on different
countries of the world.
How can
we connect hyper-nationalism and hyper-localism to the idea of universal
brotherhood for common benefit?
The more
prosperous the world is, the better it is for everyone. We are not promoting
nationalism or globalism. But war between countries is not good, so one way is
to promote peace and free trade. Get countries to carry out trade rather than
leave them in isolation. Our focus should be on improving the life of people.
Through research, if we find that it is better to grow a global nationality,
then we should work towards it. It is only after extensive study that such a
step should be taken; it’s really looking into the future. People can be proud
of their nations and still be able to work with other countries. We are trying
to figure out what will succeed. What will make them work with each other
rather than fight each other?
Does
cultural identity promote mistrust?
It
depends on which group you identify with. People identify with groups, and
groups compete. Earlier, groups were basically tribes that competed with each
other for resources. Most neighbouring countries have had histories of wars and
violence because they are competing with each other. In the animal kingdom, you
find packs that hunt together. When there is lack of trust between two groups,
they fight. There are left-wing groups and right-wing groups with different
opinions. In a paper on making America great again, I wrote that respecting
other cultures and working with them and learning from them, and at the same
time respecting its own identity is what will make America great again.
We are
not robots, we have emotional feelings; people love their children more than
other people’s children and they also love their country more than other
countries. You can’t take away these emotional feelings, but you have to
complement these ideas; you respect your country, so respect other nations and
learn from them. We can work together. The golden rule is to respect and not
de-humanise other people. Balance is the key; all great philosophies talk about
balance.
To not
get rid of differences and still be able to work together, it is imperative to
know that dialogue is important and knowledge is power. Patience, too, because
things take time. If dialogue doesn’t work, then what is the alternative? War
is no solution at all; it only creates orphans, loss of lives and livelihoods;
it is slaughter.
Mission
Possible?
The San
Francisco-based Rahul Siddhartha Kiss is of Indo-German-Hungarian- American
descent. He was born and raised in Silicon Valley. When he turned 16, he
founded Global Thought Inc, a platform for dialogues and conversations that
must be heard — but which are not getting adequate attention.
— Sonal
Srivastava
Quote
from the True Charm and Power of Vedanta
Non-violent
communication helps us reframe how we express ourselves, says MARSHALL B
ROSENBERG
I believe
compassion is our n a t u r a l state of being — that it’s natural to feel joy
in giving and receiving from the heart. Accordingly, for most of my life I’ve
been preoccupied with two questions: What happens to disconnect us from our
compassionate nature, leading us to behave violently or exploitatively? And
conversely, what empowers some to stay connected to our compassionate nature
even under the worst circumstances?
While
studying factors that affect our ability to stay compassionate, I was struck by
the crucial role that language can play. While we may not consider the way we
talk to be ‘violent,’ words often lead to hurt and pain towards ourselves or to
others. That’s because so many of us have been trained to speak in terms of
moralistic judgements, evaluations and labels that disconnect us from
compassion.
I have
since identified a specific approach to communicating — called Non-violent
Communication (NVC) — that leads us to give from the heart, connecting us in a
way that allows our natural compassion to flourish.
Our
Natural State
NVC
guides us to reframe how we express ourselves and how we hear others.
Instead
of habitual, automatic reactions, our words become conscious responses based
firmly on awareness of what we perceive, feel and want in that moment. Within
the framework of NVC, we’re led to express ourselves with honesty and clarity,
while simultaneously paying others a respectful and empathic attention. In any
exchange, we come to hear our own deeper needs and those of others. NVC trains
us to observe carefully, and to specify behaviours and conditions that are
affecting us. The form is simple, yet powerfully transformative.
Focus
Attention
There is
a story of a man on all fours under a street lamp, searching for something. A
policeman passing by asked what he was doing. “Looking for my car keys,”
replied the man, who appeared slightly drunk.“Did you drop them here?” enquired
the officer.“No,” answered the man, “I dropped them in the alley.” Seeing the
policeman’s baffled expression, the man hastened to explain, “But the light is
much better here.”Like this story, I find that my cultural conditioning leads
me to focus attention on places where I am unlikely to get what I want. I
developed NVC as a way to train my attention on places that have the potential
to yield what I am seeking.
The use
of NVC does not require that the persons with whom we are communicating be
literate in NVC or even motivated to relate to us compassionately. If we stay
motivated solely to give and receive compassionately, and do everything we can
to let others know this is our only motive, they will join us in the process,
and eventually we will be able to respond compassionately to one another.
I’m not
saying that this always happens quickly. I do maintain, however, that
compassion inevitably blossoms when we stay true to the principles and process
of NVC.
To arrive
at a mutual desire to give from the heart, we focus the light of consciousness
on four areas — referred to as the four components of the NVC model. First, we
observe what the others are saying or doing that is either enriching or not
enriching our life. The trick is to be able to articulate this observation
without introducing any judgement or evaluation.
Next, we
state how we feel when we observe this action: are we hurt, scared, joyful,
amused, irritated? And thirdly, we say what needs of ours are connected to the
feelings we have identified. An awareness of these three components is present
when we use NVC to clearly and honestly express how we are.
For
example, a mother might express these three pieces to her teenage son by
saying, “Felix, when I see two balls of soiled socks under the coffee table and
another three next to the TV, I feel irritated because I am needing more order
in the rooms that we share in common.”
She would
follow immediately with the fourth component — a very specific request: “Would
you be willing to put your socks in your room or in the washing machine?” This
fourth component addresses what we are wanting from the other person that would
enrich our lives or make life more wonderful for us.
Thus,
part of NVC is to express these four pieces of information very clearly,
whether verbally or by other means. The other part of this communication
consists of receiving the same four pieces of information from others. We
connect with them by first sensing what they are observing, feeling and
needing; we discover what would enrich their lives by receiving the fourth
piece — their request. As we keep our attention focused on the areas mentioned,
and help others do likewise, we establish a flow of communication, back and
forth, until compassion manifests naturally: what I am observing, feeling and
needing; what I am requesting to enrich my life; what you are observing,
feeling and needing; what you are requesting to enrich your life.
Observe
Your Feelings
● The
concrete actions we observe that affect our well-being
● How we
feel in relation to what we observe
● The
needs, values, desires that create our feelings
● The
concrete actions we request in order to enrich our lives The essence of NVC is
in our consciousness of the four components, not in the actual words that are
exchanged.
Applying
NVC
When we
use NVC in our interactions — with ourselves, with another person or in a group
— we become grounded in our natural state of compassion. It is, therefore, an
approach that can be effectively applied at all levels of communication and in
diverse situations. Some people use NVC to create greater depth and caring in
their intimate relationships. Others use it to build more effective
relationships at work. Still others use this process in the political arena.
Worldwide, NVC now serves as a valuable resource for communities facing violent
conflicts and severe ethnic, religious or political tensions. (The author was
the founder and director of the Center for Nonviolent Communication till his
death in 2015.)
Post your
comments at speakingtree.in
But, if He exists?
I
drive joy There was a doctor in Benaras who spent 7 minutes in the morning and
evening for mediation on God. Knowing this, his colleagues and friends laughed
at him. One day they argued that he was wasting ten precious minutes on
something, which he had been misled into believing. The doctor replied, “Well,
if God does not exist, I agree that I am wasting ten minutes a day. But, if He
exists? I am afraid you are wasting your entire lifetime. I prefer to waste ten
minutes rather than a lifetime. Why should you grudge me the 10 minutes joy
that I derive 4m.
ILLUSTRATED
REVIEW : 7th Heaven moment of the week , In Epl Long no 7 scored a goal, in
NBA scramento king won by 7
